Swipes left. “This guy is not serious, out of all his best pictures, he decided to pick this one”. Swipes left again!! “Mmmh… Ok he doesn’t look so bad”. Update: he’s only on this app to score. How typical! Actually most if not all of these people are here for the same reason. I don’t even know what I was thinking downloading this app.
And it was with those thoughts that i decided to uninstall Tinder from my phone…
People don’t like being single. Actually let me rephrase that. We’re afraid of being alone. See when you’re so used to having someone in your life and they all of a sudden are no longer there, it’s like everything around you heightens that lonely void they leave you with. You begin taking notice of things you never took notice of before. Like how all your friends are unavailable to chill or talk because they’re all bae’d up. How all the guys you friendzoned just arent giving you the attention they used to anymore or how watching your favourite series just doesn’t feel the same because HE’s not there to cuddle you and pass out halfway through the episode.
This void becomes so unbearable that you find yourself actually hanging with that annoying guy whose always in your chats on some “so when are we going to chill?” A decision you quickly regret because there is no uncomfortable feeling in the world like forcing a smile with someone who doesnt set your soul on fire. Or worst case scenerio, you find yourself running back to the same arms that broke you. I know waiting isn’t easy, especially when it seems like everyone you know is getting married and popping babies every chance that they get. Though how long are you going to keep drinking from the same spring of dirty water that made you sick in the first place?
BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING
I’m no relationship guru but I can attest to the fact that singlehood is much more fruitful(and fun) than the attached life. Yes there are those days where you feel like being held and told you’re beautiful. You’re a woman who needs TLC at the end of the day but you don’t have to worry about any boy stressing you or wondering why he cheated on you with HER of all people!! I know it’s hard to believe it now because you also want to be part of “love lives here” and “me too”, but darling wouldn’t you rather share your life with someone who actually values your worth instead of faking a relationship glow for the gram?
ILLUSIONS OF OUR LOVE
“All the guys i meet are just trash!” The problem with us women is that we tend to go to the grocery store hungry. When in the waiting season our single state of mind gets the better of us. Picture this, a new guy enters into your life… tall, dark, handsome, great personality and meets part of “your list” (PART of). Your excitement gets to your head so quickly so you assume all the other boxes will be checked and you fall in love hard, without giving yourself enough time to find out if he’s really who you think he is. Then 2 months down the line you’re always calling him over to have ‘The Talk’ telling him he’s changed when matter of fact it was you who didn’t do proper research.
You need to take your time when entering into a new relationship. Instead of checking the boxes on your list because of your expectation of who you think he might be, vet your potential mate and decide wether or not he’ll be a perfect fit into your life. You never really know wether or not that dress will look good on you unless you try it on right… yes it looks pretty on display but will it hug your curves and accentuate your figure the way you want it to? Will the colour of it bring out your complexion? I hope you catch my drift… Treat your potentials as you would new clothes in store.
Stop allowing society to continue planting seeds of fear in your hearts. That as a woman if you’ve reached a certain age and you’re still not married then there’s something wrong with you. Serena Williams got married at the age of 35 and had her baby then, there was nothing wrong with her! Actually real talk, not all of us are going to get married so might as well learn to enjoy your solitude! Unless you’re ok with the idea of being a side meal all your life… Take this time to focus on YOU and work on yourself. Something we rob ourselves of when in a relationship because we’re too focused on making the other person happy. I mean think about it… We love them, cater to them, breath them, we even become them that when they leave we feel incomplete because our whole lives basically revolved around THEM!
BEING ALONE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE LONELY
There are so many things you can do to stay busy and keep from making bad decisions with flings that aren’t after your heart. Start that business venture you’ve always dreamt of. Take yourself on a date, buy yourself gifts. Travel. Explore. The world is your oyster… If you find it hard to enjoy your solitude and don’t know what makes you happy then how do you expect someone else to? A partner is not there to complete you, they’re there to compliment you.
This time alone might also help you put your past relationship into perspective. You’re able to figure out where exactly you went wrong so you can work on yourself to ensure that history doesn’t repeat itself. Yes they messed up, they had their annoying flaws and they might’ve been the main reason why it didn’t work out but if you stopped playing the blame game for a few minutes you will realise that you also played a role in the failure of the relationship too. Emotions have a funny way of clouding our judgements…
While working on yourself don’t forget to raise your standards. Dont be like these “pick me” girls who ended up settling because they were so desperate to be loved. Most relationships fail because women tend to forget their worth. As the popular saying goes “be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies”
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