The past few weeks have been very challenging for me. I have been tried and tested in all ways possible. From dealing with family issues, finances, relationship, pressure at school and rejection from applied internship posts. I’m not one to discuss my personal life with those closest to me as I prefer dealing with things on my own. So as much as people around me saw a happy well Mimi, what they didn’t realise was that it was all just a mask to hide the Mimi who was slowly dying inside.
You know that feeling where you just lay awake at night in bed because the fear of future failure keeps you awake? Or the one where you just feel like there’s got to be more to life than waking up every morning to do the same thing over and over again. On my side, all these feelings were accompanied by anxiety attacks. And all those breathing exercises they claim will help on Google, I’m here to tell you they may be a whole lot of crap because they didnt help with zilch!
It’s so discouraging seeing others around us getting blessed and having their doors opened while yours remains closed. Especially when you try by all means to put in extra work to ensure your goals are achieved, while Sipho over there who’s always lazing around seems to be getting all the blessings. Personally I always though it to be so unfair. Always interrogating God on some “Lord what about me, you know I’m the one who deserves it more than him/her”. And that’s what kills us as today’s youth. We are a microwave generation. We always want things to happen right now, forgetting that this life thing is tricky.
You’ll make plans for the future, for your career but life will humble you to the point where you just don’t know anymore. Where you’re standing at crossroads questioning God’s existence because if he’s a loving God then why isn’t he showering you with your rightful blessings? “All blessings don’t come from the Lord, Mimi”, thats what someone close to me once said when I brought up a similar issue in passing. They went on to remind me that everthing has a season. This made me think back to a story I heard some time back about a farmer and a seed. I applied the same process it takes the seeds the farmer plants and grows to my life.
Just because you don’t notice anything fruitful happening in your life doesn’t mean anything fruitful isn’t happening. You might still be in the growing season, getting prepared to harvest fruit that will set you up for life. Moving forward I’m slowly accepting that there will be days I won’t make progress. That my growing process may take longer than I expected, but thats ok because slow progress is still progress. The best is yet to come!